A bride has been blasted online for disinviting her bridesmaid from her wedding with no notice, while the bridesmaid has been cheered for her response.
Redditor u/Daniiwatson22 took to the TwoHotTakes channel, where she shared that her best friend since 8th grade asked her to be her bridesmaid, and she gladly accepted.
But as the wedding kept being pushed back due to the pandemic and other issues, by the time it actually happened, she only found out when photographs from the ceremony were uploaded to social media.
The woman asked Reddit if she was in the wrong for her reaction—namely, deleting her former best friend and her new husband on social media and not replying when her former best friend messaged, “asking what my problem was.”
In response, Reddit users have assured her she did nothing wrong, and relationship expert Tina Wilson told Newsweek the bride “did not handle the situation correctly and consequently lost her friend for good.”
On her post, shared on July 9 and which has racked up 5,900 upvotes and 2,000 comments, the now-27-year-old said she moved away when she was 15, and while she and her best friend remained close, they did drift apart.
But when her friend became engaged, she asked her to be her bridesmaid, adding there would be no maid of honor and only two bridesmaids. The Redditor accepted, saying she would “be more than happy to help her with planning.”
But the couple weren’t planning on getting married right away, and as the years passed, the bride would “regularly check in and ask if I was still happy to be her bridesmaid,” which she confirmed she was.
Wilson, a friendship expert and founder of the Wingman app, told Newsweek: “It’s natural for friends to drift apart as life changes, but true friends always support each other. Friendship should be reciprocal, yet in this case, there appears to be an imbalance.”
She noticed, however, that while her friend still talked about the wedding, she no longer mentioned her being a bridesmaid, and as the wedding date approached, “we still had not received an invite.”
Wilson advised that the woman “should have been more direct when she first noticed something was off,” and when “she didn’t receive an invitation, she could have mentioned this and asked for details directly. Yes, this is a little forward, but it saves the wonder as something obviously wasn’t right.”
Despite being told the wedding would be at the end of May, in April, she opened Facebook and saw photos of the wedding day, with her friend surrounded by friends and family. She also had one bridesmaid and one maid of honor: her new husband’s sister.
Andrey Sayfutdinov/Getty
Wilson analyzed the situation, stating that the bride was caught in a “me me me” moment and changed her mind about wanting her friend as a bridesmaid but “avoided having that conversation.”
“People shy away from awkward conversations, and [the bride] might have also been pressured by her future husband to include his sister in the wedding,” she said.
“I was hurt to not have been informed about any of this,” the poster wrote. “I went onto Facebook and I deleted her and her husband.” She added that within a few hours, “I had a message from her asking what my problem was and what I was so offended about that I felt the need to remove her from my Facebook.”
And while she never responded to the message, she still feels “somewhat guilty for throwing away that many years of friendship over this.”
Wilson told Newsweek that “with a true friendship, this scenario would not have occurred so consider better that a light was shone on that.”
The poster went on to write that she has come to terms with not responding and will instead “protect my peace and move on to better friendships that bring value and happiness to my life.”
“I’m thankful for the years of friendship I did have with her but I feel it’s definitely time let it go. And ultimately, if the roles were reversed, I would have never treated her in this way,” she wrote.
Wilson believes this is the right thing to do.
“She is right to move on and should focus on building new, healthy friendships and cherish the positive memories from the past while learning from this experience,” Wilson said.
“It’s crucial to communicate directly in any relationship to avoid misunderstandings and ensure mutual respect and support on both sides.”
However, Seth Eisenberg, president of the relationship-strengthening PAIRS Foundation, said in his opinion, it is “crucial” that the woman responds to the message and “initiates a constructive dialogue.”
“Expressing how she felt left out and seeking clarification on the situation can help both parties understand each other’s perspectives better,” he told Newsweek.
“Forgiveness does not necessarily mean condoning the actions but rather releasing negative emotions and moving forward for one’s own peace of mind,” he said.
But he added: “Not all friendships are meant to last, and this may be one of them.”
Reddit users were more straightforward, with one writing: “She seriously pretended not to know why you were upset? Wow.”
“You blocked her and noticed it immediately, she is very aware of her actions. This is not a friend. Go find someone better,” another said.
“That’s no friend worth keeping. Just leave her on read and move on,” a commenter said.
Newsweek reached out to u/danniiwatson22 via Reddit for comment. We could not independently verify the details of this case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.