We’ve taught our children about sex. More parents should

Welcome back to How I Parent, where we get a glimpse into how the nation is raising their kids.

Clio Wood and her husband Bryn don’t believe in lying to their kids – even when it comes to sex.

The couple, based in London, get candid when talking to their two daughters, Delphi, two, and Echo, nine, about pleasure, birth and everything in between.

‘When my eldest daughter first asked about babies, she was about three or four years old,’ Clio, 40, from London, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Rather than talking about storks, or babies being delivered in baskets, we gave her the facts instead. Obviously overloading our daughter with medical language at that age would be far too confusing, so we did simplify it.

‘We told her that daddy’s seed and mummy’s seed must join inside mummy in order to make a baby and that daddy’s penis goes inside mummy’s vagina to get the seed there.’

It’s ‘less scary and much easier’ to add details and nuances that they can handle as they get older, adds Clio, as inevitably the conversations will crop up time and again.

‘Whilst we used the proper terminology for body parts when she was little, Delphi called penises ‘wallies’ and mispronounced vulva as ‘va-va,’ so these stuck around for a little time,’ she says.

‘It’s really important that they have the proper language to express themselves, but it’s also ok for them to learn this over time.’

While RHSE is compulsory in schools, Clio, a women’s health advocate and author of Get Your Mojo Back, believes it isn’t always up to scratch.

So, she believes in a sex-positive parenting approach that starts at home and says that nothing is off-topic when it comes to educating her girls about the birds and bees – and how sex can be enjoyable.

‘Sex-positive parenting is really about removing the stigma around sex and sexuality. So many of us heard incorrect rumours and information in the playground,’ she says.

‘While some have had sex education classes, these didn’t cover nearly enough ground or give out the right information.

‘By allowing honest and open conversations in the home, you can guide your child’s learning in a positive way and make it less taboo – sex is, after all, how we all got here!’

But have the girls ever used words like ‘sex,’ ”penis’ and ‘vulva’ in front of the other kids at nursery, who might not have such an open approach at home?

‘Of course, they have, and I’m absolutely not worried about it – we should, in fact, be proud that our kids have the capacity to express themselves in this context,’ says Clio.

‘Why should we be worried that you’re saying vulva instead of bits? It’s a scientific term, not a rude word. Kids are always going to talk about sex and babies – usually with the wrong information which can be worrying and scary. It’s best to empower them with the right knowledge and vocabulary.’

Other parents have never judged them for their approach – at least not to their faces.

And husband Bryn is completely on board with the children having casual conversations about sex in everyday life, rather than sitting down for ‘the talk’ at a set age.

‘We want them to be confident in saying no, asking for what they need and want and also recognise that sex, when the time comes for them, is not just about making babies but for about emotional connection and pleasure too,’ says Clio.

Without sufficient information, Clio believes when children get to teenage years and early adulthood they can have experiences that may not make them feel good.

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A recent Ofsted review by the Women and Equalities Committee found sexual harassment had become ‘normalised’ for children.

‘Most of us have had disappointing sexual experiences or done things we might not have quite wanted,’ she says.

‘Firstly, if you can’t talk about sex comfortably, it’s really hard to know where your boundaries are, what is ok and what’s not. This is important both for safeguarding, abuse purposes and for later sexual relationships.

‘If you don’t have the vocabulary to express yourself in sex, pregnancy, birth and onwards, it’s really hard to have the experience that you want. This can impact us both physically and mentally.’

Avoiding sex-talk can potentially lead to pitfalls such as unplanned pregnancies, says Clio, or teens being pressured into having sex before they’re ready.

‘But I think it’s also important to recognise that pleasure and intimacy are also really key parts of sex that we don’t always cover in school,’ she says.

‘I would love for more young people to be taught how positive and joyful sex can be when it’s done right, and that the realities of sex aren’t those snippets of aggressive porn that they’ve probably been exposed to.’

When speaking to her children, Clio takes a child-led approach but the main starting point is often discussing where babies come from.

‘If your child hasn’t asked you by the time they’re eight, it might be a good time to raise it yourself,’ she says. ‘They will have already started to cover sex in PSHE classes by this point too.’

While all children are taught PHSE in the current curriculum, it can vary wildly from school to school, something that Clio thinks should be given sufficient information and time for discussion.

‘Our school tends to play their cards close to their chest, so often we aren’t party to info until quite close to the time,’ she says.

‘They seem to only have a small segment of PSHE classes during the year, and cover a bitesize bit of the topic during these few classes.

‘What they do cover it seems is done well, but the sporadic nature of classes adds to it feeling even more taboo. It’s incredibly important to keep sex-positive conversations going at home.’

In other areas of parenting, Clio believes in a make-it-up-as-she-goes approach, but says a big fundamental for her family is always keeping all conversations really open.

‘The most important thing to me is that when we argue (and we do!) between my husband and me and the kids, we say sorry and explain why we reacted the way we did to bring a resolution to the incident,’ she says.

‘I find this hard as I was never taught how to apologise as a child and I think it’s one of the most powerful skills we can learn.’

A lot of parents find conversations with their children around sex, pregnancy and birth intimidating, but Clio advises pushing through the awkwardness.

‘The whole point of sex-positive parenting is to counter that perspective,’ she says.

‘If a parent hasn’t had open conversations growing up, this approach can be hard. But the great thing is that the more we talk about something, the more comfortable it feels.

‘I guarantee you that by the fifth time you’ve said vagina or vulva instead of ‘foo-foo’ or ‘fanny’ it will feel so much easier!’

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