‘We wed for my religious parents – no we’re opening up our marriage’

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week, we hear from Aisha*, 24, who identifies as bisexual.

Since we last caught up with her, she’s married her partner in a religious ceremony to appease her Muslim parents.

‘Before the religious wedding, their views on our relationship was that it was a sin, and they weren’t too happy,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.

‘But now they feel differently, and Mum’s glad that he’s a calm and chilled person in general.’ 

But as far as Aisha’s relationship is concerned, things between her and her partner haven’t changed since getting married.

‘I like that despite having had to have a religious wedding, it hasn’t really changed our relationship,’ she says.

‘We don’t see ourselves as married or anything, not until we’re ready to have a civil wedding. So to us, we aren’t married, but we are to my family.’

Without any further ado, here’s how they got on this week…

Monday

After I got back from work, I made dinner and read some absolutely heartbreaking Harry Potter fanfic online until my partner came home.

We ate and then just chilled for a bit – he played some video games and watched some football commentary bits on Youtube, and I continued reading.

After a couple hours, we got into bed and just had a general chat about our day before going to sleep.

Tuesday

After we both came home, we watched TV and were planning on how to decorate our place.

Sometime later, we gave each other massages, which led to sex – twice. It felt super intimate and cute.

We just did cowgirl and missionary, and the eye contact made it way better.

Wednesday

I had a couple of meetings and a long, tiring day, and my partner came home a little late from work. We were both tired from working, and after he ate, I just ended up going straight to sleep and woke up around 4am.

He was still up watching something on TV, and we cuddled. 

These tend to be the moments I like the most, as it’s just sweet and intimate.

On nights like tonight, I’m grateful that we’ve managed to overcome the situation with my parents, and we’re closer than before.

It feels like everything’s kind of where it is meant to be despite the trials – and the way my brain works, and how I feel about myself. 

I struggle with depression and anxiety, which affect my sex drive and obviously the way I’m feeling – when I’m low I tend to get suicidal and not see the point in anything whatsoever. I also end up feeling unwanted, unloved, and undesirable.

My partner and I moved in together a while ago and we both work full-time, so at times it is difficult for me to get in the mood. A couple of months ago, it led to us having a discussion about whether to open up the relationship and sleep with other people – at the time my sex drive was almost non-existent, for reasons I still don’t yet understand. I think it might be related to my hormones, but it’s something I’ve been working on. 

While my partner did go on dating apps, I chose not to as I just genuinely was not interested in anything, or anyone, else. However, the thought did cross my mind that maybe my sex drive also became low because everything had got familiar, almost routine.

In the end, he only stayed on the dating apps for about a week, and deleted them all because he couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort or talk to anyone, and found it boring to be going over the same conversations. So we remained monogamous. 

I still wonder whether he might want to explore this kind of thing again, but when I’ve asked, he said no.

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I think a part of me continues to feel insecure about it in some ways, and like maybe I’m not enough.

Thursday

When we woke up, we didn’t really talk, just had quick and hurried sex and showered together before I went to the gym. After that, I went to work.

When we were back at home we ordered some stuff for the house, and as we were getting close to our anniversary date, we reminisced over the last few years and how things have changed.

We spoke very briefly about when we were going to have an open relationship and whether the situation regarding my mental health and our sex life had improved – we both thought it was a mix. We also discussed how it’s important to remember to give each other space and respect each other’s boundaries.

My issue tends to be that I take everything personally and I don’t like confrontation. When someone raises their voice, I just shut down.

Having this discussion helped, and regularly checking in with each other about where we stand, or what we need and want, is something we try to do in order to make sure we’re both okay. There’s been some stuff I just held in for a while.

Friday

Today we went out for birthday drinks for one of our mutual friends and drank a few cocktails and played a couple games. Everyone danced, but I just swayed side to side since I have no rhythm.

My partner and I did dance very close together, with lots of kissing and some touchy moments, during which he mentioned that the bar staff kept staring at us.

I might’ve started feeling a little self-conscious despite the buzz of the cocktails I’d had. After we left around 12am, we all grabbed McDonald’s.

When we got home, we had sex a couple of times before I had to muster up the energy to take my makeup off. It was a really lovely evening.

Saturday

Neither of us woke with hangovers, which was a massive relief. 

Today was a very chill day spent getting groceries and watching TV, while he made dinner. We mainly just unwound and relaxed – I read a different book as I didn’t want to finish my fanfic just yet.

Then we spent some time with his family later in the evening.

Sunday

We had a lie-in until about 11ish today, before he started making a Sunday roast.

I went down on him before we ate and I had a quick shower since it was hair-wash day.

We decided to watch Harry Potter from the start and I told him about the fanfic, and convinced him to start reading it.

When I finished it that night, I just sat and cried for a while because of how utterly devastating and heart-wrenchingly painful the story was.

My partner clocked that I was sad about the book and comforted me. When he went back to the game he was playing with pals, I watched TV to cheer up.

*Names have been changed.

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