Getting older can make you less interested in sex or lead to trouble in the bedroom – but it doesn’t have to.
Whether it’s from low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, menopause or other health issues, libido dips naturally with age.
Research has even shown that having a poor sex life after hitting middle age could lead to lasting conditions like dementia. However, sex after 50 isn’t impossible. Experts have even said that older people can still have healthy, pleasurable sex lives, regardless of age.
Dr Rena Malik, a urologist at the University of Maryland, detailed in a recent video practical advice for having great sex with age.
Below are her top seven tips:
Consider your medical history
Dr Malik suggested keeping track of your medications and conditions since some of these can reduce sex drive.
Consider speaking with your doctor about potential alternatives if you’re concerned these medications are having an impact.
Take your time
As you age, spontaneous desire becomes less common. This involves an individual becoming aroused immediately. Though spontaneous desire decreases, you’re more likely to have responsive desire, which is a reaction to direct sexual stimulus.
“It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. It just means that it takes a little bit more time,” Dr Malik said. “Spend time in that place of foreplay where you can actually feel each other, enjoy each other, in other ways before penetrative sex.”
Take your time
As you age, spontaneous desire becomes less common. This involves an individual becoming aroused immediately. Though spontaneous desire decreases, you’re more likely to have responsive desire, which is a reaction to direct sexual stimulus.
“It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. It just means that it takes a little bit more time,” Dr Malik said. “Spend time in that place of foreplay where you can actually feel each other, enjoy each other, in other ways before penetrative sex.”
This can include using sex toys, lubricants, or even BDSM to provide more sensation to the genitals and other areas of the body.
Use lubricant and other sex aids
Because women, especially, tend to be less lubricated around the vagina as their oestrogen levels decrease, consider adding lubricant, Dr Malik said.
“Adding the lubricant can make sex less uncomfortable and actually a whole lot more pleasurable,” she said.
There are also aids you can use to improve balance, mobility, weakness, or fatigue, all of which could make sex more difficult with age.
Dr Malik said foam positioning pillows and wedges could be a more stable alternative to regular pillows, and doorjamb swings can help safely position yourself or a partner for certain sex acts.
Be optimistic
“The brain is the most powerful organ you have for sex,” Dr Malik said.
She cited research that looked into how people over age 40 think about their sex life. One study in particular, she said, found that those who were most optimistic were more likely to have ‘more frequent and more satisfying sex’ when they were interviewed again 10 years later.
Consider other options
If health issues persist and you aren’t seeing any improvement, traditional sex might not be an option.
Dr Malik said to “get stimulated in other ways.”
“Spend time with your partner without the expectation of penetrative sex,’ she said. ‘Find out what really turns you and your partner on, and you can still achieve orgasm without an erection.”
