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This in from Edmonton Oilers d-man Vincent Desharnais, his moving and revealing interview with Tony Marinaro of the Sick Podcast, where Desharnais describes his journey from despair and depression as a concussed minor pro player to his process of learning to deal with anxiety, to set and achieve goals, and to handle the pressure of playing on the Stanley Cup-contending Edmonton Oilers.
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Desharnais was 26 when he played his first NHL game, and it only came after much struggle, four years in college hockey, then 3.5 years in minor pro, including a full year in the ECHL.
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The full interview is well worth the listen and it’s linked to below, but I’m going to detail one section, as I think it can help many people who, like big Desharnais, struggle with anxiety and might well benefit from cognitive therapy and the learning the process of systematically changing your mindset from negative self talk to positive affirmation.
Desharnais told Marinaro he often thought about quitting hockey as he made his way through the minor pro reanks.
“When you’re on the bus in the East Coast (hockey league) and you’re traveling 20-22 hours and you’re just, ‘What am I doing here? Why? Why? Why am I bussing every day? And you know I’m so far away from the NHL.’”
In his first pro camp with the Oilers he said there were 16 d-men, and he was 16th on the depth chart.
Things quickly got worse when he suffered a concussion in his first season, which brought on severe depression.
“I developed anxiety, starting having anxiety attacks, starting being depressed, led to the depression. I wanted to quit hockey, wanted to quit on life pretty much. I didn’t want to be here anymore.”
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He reached a crisis point and decided he had to get over his own ego, his own stubborn self that said he didn’t need help. In the end, he sought help and it made all the difference. “It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, honestly, and I’m so glad it happened, I’m so glad I went through that depression and I’ve learned to deal with anxiety. I’ve learned to deal with with life.
“I feel like my depression just kind of made me realize that you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow but you control today, so today, smile. Put a smile on your face because you control that. I don’t control what my neighbour does but I control my smile on my face, and I control my mood, and I control my happiness.”
Desharnais said he started to listen to podcasts, read books and changed his habits. He also started to meditate and to write down his ups and down in life in a personal journal.
This helps him deal with lows, such as a recent playoff game against Los Angeles, where he took a tripping penalty that led to a key goal against.
“I was so bad. I left the ice so in my head, anxious. I’m like, ‘I can’t believe I almost cost the game, almost cost the series.’ And then to stop all that, the brain, the little voice inside the brain that tells you you’re so bad, and you’re this or that, just the journal. I ve learned to use my tools and not get stuck in the you know the cycle of your bad… I’m here for a reason. I know I’m here. I just gotta execute. I just gotta believe in myself.”
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Desharnais said he writes the date, then writes down details of his day in the journal, his feelings, his state of mind, digging into why he feels a certain way and why a bad thing or bad game happened. “Most of the time there’s no reasons why. hat’s just how the game went. You can’t play a good game every single game, and, obviously, you don’t want to make the same mistakes, and you want to learn from them.”
The act of writing it down on a sheet of paper simplifies things and helps him put behind a poor performance, he said.
“I turn the page and it’s over. Tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and it’s a new day. It’s a new page. It’s a blank page.”
To reset himself each day, he has five affirmations, he said.
“The first one is, I’ll write every single day, ‘I’m self-confident and I embrace uncertainty.’ I would get so anxious every time there would be a change in schedule, and being called up, being sent down. And just from writing that now, something happens, I’m so casual about it. I’m like, ‘You know, whatever.’ ”
He’s said he’s now changed his second affirmation. It used to be, “I will play in the NHL.”
“Now I changed it to: ‘I am an NHL player and I will win the Stanley Cup.’ So every day that’s what I write in my journal. And you know what? I just said it and I have chills right now. Because I believe it’s going to happen.”
He learned this practice from a book called Mind Hacking (by Sir John Hargrave). “It was like to rewire your brain So tell your brain every day, ‘These are my goals. These are my five goals.’”
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McDavid: “I just want to f*ckin’ win.”
One final story from the interview, this about playing with Connor McDavid. Early in the Los Angeles series this year, there was a play where Edmonton was scored on and Desharnais felt he probably could have shut down the play. McDavid was on the ice and got a -1 in goals plus-minus.
“We all got minus one, and obviously, like I know his stats, and so after the game I went to see him. I’m like, ‘Hey man, like, sorry. That was a bad pass on me. Dash one is on me. I’m sorry, dude.’ And he turned around. He looked at me and he was, like, ‘Dude, I don’t care about the stats. I just want to f*ckin win.’ It was not like staged. He legit turned and, ‘Listen, I just want to f*ckin’ win.’ And I’m like, ‘All right, got it, Captain.’ I was like, that’s awesome, that’s what I want to hear. I was so fired up. I was like, ‘Dude, you tell me that right now, that’s awesome.’ And like people always tell me, ‘Oh, Connor is points.’ But when playoffs show up, you better show up, because he’s going to war. He’s showed me that he’s he’s not just a skill guy, he’s not a point guy, he’s a player. He’s a hockey player.”
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