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Karen Hope
For the first time in their 71 years of marriage, my parents were living apart in two different seniors’ homes, hoping they could be reunited in one apartment. After 11 months, my dad could not wait any longer. On March 28, 2023, my 89-year-old father passed away alone in a Calgary long-term care facility while his 90-year-old wife slept 2.4 kilometres away in her assisted-living facility.
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One year before his death, my dad’s arthritic legs gave out and mom could not get him up off the floor. They had been living in a four-level split with three flights of stairs and bathrooms incompatible for a man with a disability. They should have already moved to an assisted-living home, however, like many seniors, they did not want to move. It would take a medical event for both to realize they could no longer live in their beloved home.
After four months and three hospitals battling an infection, AHS deemed my dad a candidate for long-term care (LTC), which meant we would have to search for a senior’s residence that offered both LTC and assisted-living care.
Approximately 90 per cent of Calgary’s long-term care facilities are contracted by AHS, leaving very few private residences with space available. AHS offers long-term care semi-private and private rooms for a reasonable $1,800 to $2,100 per month, with only a few rooms next to each other that could be occupied by a couple (both have to be LTC).
The cost of a private long-term residence is out of the ballpark for most people. Rents start at approximately $6,500 per month with most facilities charging $10,000 or more for a studio. When you add an assisted-living spouse, the rent for two residences can be as high as $18,000 a month.
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With an inventory and price advantage, it is difficult to overlook AHS’s options to seek private care. AHS would not guarantee a south location, but thankfully we got one. Dad landed at Midnapore AgeCare which was attached to a retirement independent living wing of apartments. Sadly, mom did not qualify for independent living as management felt she needed assisted living. The only solution was to put dad’s name on a one- to two-year wait list for locations that offered assisted living next door.
There are quite a few AHS long-term care facilities with private assisted-living options within a brief walk, allowing capable couples to see each other without co-ordinated transportation. I asked the transition manager whether AHS could put dad next on the list for one of these. The manager told me they wished they could, however, they did not have the authority to “skip the line,” regardless of how sad the circumstances were. We had no choice other than to put his name on the list and move mom to United Fish Creek Active Living, eight-kilometres away.
It was a daunting, time-consuming task co-ordinating the details of daily visits, which had to be between mealtimes as Age Care management did not allow them to dine together. I was still determined to get them closer even if we had to pay more than the $7,500 we were already paying. I put dad on the LTC wait list for a southeast private care residence that offered us two rooms in the same building for $10,500 per month. Unfortunately, dad would not wait out the list.
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There is no debate that our city, province and country governments need to support the construction of more affordable LTC facilities in proximity to assisted-living facilities. The private sector is small and outrageously priced, forcing people to wait either in a hospital or an LTC facility that is not ideally located to the spouse. If a family is trying to keep mom and dad together, it is almost impossible, unless you can pay $10,000 or more a month or have the good fortune to stay alive until your name comes up on a waiting list.
In the short term, AHS could make a significant difference if they empowered their transition teams to prioritize married people who want to stay together. Otherwise, it is next to impossible to get them together. Perhaps if the AHS transition team could operate more like an emergency department, they could serve the neediest person the room, versus the person first on the list who may not have a spouse.
Soon, an onslaught of baby boomers will be seeking senior living arrangements. If we do not see changes quickly, more marital couples will be involuntarily separated in their last years of life. With rapidly rising costs, few seniors will be able to afford two residences.
And if they do not have kids to co-ordinate their transportation, they just might never see each other again.
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