How trauma fuels Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s work for California

SACRAMENTO — 

Written on a dry-erase board in Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s workplace overlooking the dome of the California Capitol are two phrases: “gender fairness” and “help for survivors.”

As a feminist and documentary filmmaker, Siebel Newsom has been on a mission to inform ladies’s tales and upend the gender imbalance that permeates life in America. As the primary accomplice of California and spouse of Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom, she has affect on the highest tier of state authorities.

However none of that ready her for what occurred when she took the stand in November in opposition to convicted rapist Harvey Weinstein.

“I assumed if I went and spoke my fact that — I didn’t notice how a lot sexism and misogyny nonetheless exists in our tradition,” Siebel Newsom stated in an interview with The Instances. “I used to be shocked by that. I used to be shocked. I actually was. I imply, disgrace on me.”

Mark Werksman, a protection lawyer for the disgraced movie trade kingpin, solid Siebel Newsom, who has a grasp’s diploma in enterprise administration from Stanford College, as “simply one other bimbo who slept with Harvey Weinstein to get forward in Hollywood.”

After Siebel Newsom took the witness stand, sobbing as she described being sexually assaulted in a collection on the Peninsula Resort in Beverly Hills in 2005, one other protection lawyer belittled her testimony as an “act.”

The protection tried to capitalize on frequent misconceptions about rape to recommend she was in charge — and even worse, mendacity. Werksman picked aside descriptions she had given through the years of feeling “paralyzed,” “useless to the world,” “crying” and “whimpering.” The lawyer insinuated {that a} whimper was merely “a type of passive, meek expression of unhappiness.”

Siebel Newsom stated that she felt assaulted yet again.

“It was a horrific expertise. I wouldn’t want it on anybody,” she stated of the trial.

Her ache was compounded when a Los Angeles jury in December deadlocked on the fees in her case. In a video assertion after the decision, Siebel Newsom stated the ordeal was excruciatingly traumatic, and teared up as she described the torment of speaking about it along with her household.

She isn’t crying anymore.

Siebel Newsom, who turns 49 this month, has made a well-known pivot from anguished to motivated. Publicly, she’s speaking about funding for girls’s well being and help for households escaping home violence. Behind the scenes, she’s doubling down on attempting to make the legal justice system extra honest to different survivors.

“That’s my survival mechanism,” she stated. “I believe that’s what I realized as a child to outlive. I believe so many people be taught to outlive by looking for what good we are able to make.”

Siebel Newsom has gone by way of life compartmentalizing her trauma, together with the alleged assault and Weinstein’s trial years later, by isolating it from the remainder of her life. Placing it right into a field.

Laurie Pearlman, an internationally acknowledged medical psychologist based mostly in Florida, stated that’s a typical coping technique for survivors of trauma that may assist them perform usually on the planet.

Weinstein’s lawyer criticized the evolution of Siebel Newsom’s reminiscences from the primary time she shared the account with police to her extra detailed descriptions earlier than and through the trial.

Werksman stated a protection lawyer has to ask robust questions of every witness and problem inconsistencies of their tales. He stated he cross-examined Siebel Newsom as he would another witness in a legal trial.

The Structure “ensures a defendant the best to confront and cross-examine their accusers,” he stated in an announcement. “There’s no exception for rape instances. Vigorous cross examination of an alleged sexual assault sufferer is just not sexism, it’s the train of a basic constitutional proper.”

Pearlman, who doesn’t personally know Siebel Newsom, stated it’s additionally frequent for survivors to recollect extra particulars the extra they relive their reminiscences.

“It’s a coping technique that individuals use, and if it really works for them, it’s one,” the psychologist stated. “It’s problematic if folks put issues in a field and by no means [look] within the field, as a result of one of many issues we learn about trauma is that avoidance maintains signs.”

The tragedies in Siebel Newsom’s field have formed her identification since an early age.

A number of days earlier than her seventh birthday, she and her older sister, Stacey, had been taking part in on golf carts with a number of different kids throughout a household trip in Hawaii. Siebel Newsom didn’t see her sister hiding behind her cart when it went backwards, killing the 8-year-old, she stated.

Siebel Newsom wrapped her arms round her higher physique as she instructed the story, pausing to gather herself.

The second-eldest of 5 daughters, Siebel Newsom was raised in a rich conservative household in Marin County. Her father, Ken Siebel, is a retired cash supervisor, a GOP political donor and the form of lady dad who taught them that it’s higher to be revered than favored. She stated her mom, Judy Siebel, confused the significance of being a pacesetter; her charity work included co-founding the Bay Space Discovery Museum in Sausalito.

Siebel Newsom stated her sister’s dying had impressed her to push herself academically, within the arts and in sports activities.

“I felt the strain to be excellent, to make my dad and mom overlook, by being two daughters as a substitute of 1,” she stated.

She attended Stanford, the place she performed for the soccer crew and obtained her MBA. She additionally performed on U.S. Soccer’s youth crew for girls beneath 23.

“I’m positive there was survivor’s guilt, and I’m positive, in my unconscious, it’s like I’ve to make up for that loss, and I’ve to do one thing to enhance different folks’s lives or have an effect, double my very own, which is a bit of loopy,” she stated with amusing. “I don’t use the phrase ‘loopy.’ However , it’s aspirational.”

Siebel Newsom has parlayed her drive right into a profitable profession directing and producing documentary movies about gender inequity and the ensuing humanitarian disaster, which she woke up to throughout faculty and on travels to Africa and Latin America.

Her time appearing in Hollywood within the early 2000s bolstered her issues in regards to the underrepresentation of ladies in positions of energy. She landed a guest-starring function in a number of episodes of the tv present “Life” starring Damian Lewis, and appeared in an episode of “Mad Males” as occasion lady Juanita Carson, amongst greater than a dozen different small roles over practically a decade.

She then directed her first documentary, 2011’s “Miss Illustration,” which calls consideration to the media’s perpetuation of stereotypes of ladies as one-dimensional and valued for his or her look.

She adopted up with “The Masks You Dwell In” 4 years later.

Her husband repeatedly repeats the principle concept from that movie at information conferences: Society’s poisonous definition of masculinity encourages dominance and aggression, and devalues historically female qualities equivalent to empathy and caring. The movie explores how males and boys, confined to masculine stereotypes, are discouraged from embracing their feelings.

Her newest movie, “Truthful Play,” is predicated on a ebook about gender imbalances within the house, and follows {couples} on a journey of attempting to equal the taking part in discipline.

Her shut buddy Lily Riesenfeld stated Siebel Newsom practices as a lot as she preaches.

“I don’t suppose I’m divulging something non-public by saying she was having him do the dishes and sweep the flooring,” Riesenfeld stated of the primary accomplice and Gov. Newsom through the pandemic.

Siebel Newsom additionally based the Illustration Challenge, a nonprofit that promotes her movies and work round gender fairness. The inspiration’s record of donors has come beneath scrutiny as a result of among the firms, equivalent to Pacific Fuel & Electrical and AT&T, are lively in state politics and foyer the governor.

Siebel Newsom stated through the Weinstein trial that her movies had allowed her to empower herself and provides herself a voice by way of others.

Right this moment, she says that the best way society treats ladies and women conjures up her to behave and to advertise sisterhood.

“I’ve all the time tried to champion that, and thru my work by way of ‘Miss Illustration,’ for instance, to point out women what’s attainable and encourage women to not simply think about, however create,” she stated.

“The gender hierarchy is the oldest type of oppression,” she added. “It’s the roots of oppression and it’s the template for all different oppression.”

She’s continued her advocacy as first accomplice, a time period she modified from “first girl” to be extra gender inclusive. Below a marketing campaign to make California higher for girls, Siebel Newsom has championed points equivalent to gender pay fairness, behavioral well being, and variety and inclusion throughout the governor’s administration and in company boards.

Pearlman stated taking an lively function to assist others is necessary to the therapeutic course of for trauma survivors. As a substitute of one thing being finished to them, they’re selecting to do one thing.

“You’ll be able to’t undo what occurred to you, however you may attempt to make the world a greater place,” the psychologist stated. “And this can be a means of claiming, ‘No, I’m not defeated. My life was not diminished due to this. Actually, now I’ve some energy that I can carry to this restoration course of and one thing I can contribute to others.’”

Siebel Newsom turned emotional as she talked about solely starting to forgive herself when her youngest son, Dutch, reached her age on the time of her sister’s dying.

“I spotted that I’m actually exhausting on myself,” she stated. “I spotted you can’t blame a 6- [or] 7-year-old. You’ll be able to’t ask them to grasp issues.”

Siebel Newsom’s mates and aides say she makes use of challenges as motivation, however she additionally needs to guard others from trauma and share the constructive issues she experiences.

As a mom and a believer within the significance of vitamin, she has advocated for California’s common college meals program, which now presents two free meals a day to all schoolchildren no matter earnings stage. She additionally developed a program to attach native farmers with college districts to teach college students about wholesome and sustainable meals.

Early within the pandemic, aides say she and California Well being and Human Companies Secretary Mark Ghaly had been among the many first within the administration to determine an impending psychological well being disaster amongst college students.

Throughout a wellness and bodily health occasion on the steps of the state Capitol in Might, she was fast to commend a younger man for bravely telling the group about how getting outdoor helped him persevere after a suicide try.

“I’ve a robust propensity to need to defend folks, assist folks, help folks and accomplice,” Siebel Newsom stated.

She and her husband each have spoken a couple of duty they really feel to make the most of their time main California by making lasting change.

Neither feels totally snug within the public eye, however they take care of the scrutiny for the great they need to do, stated Ana Matosantos, Newsom’s former Cupboard secretary. The governor accepts the eye and criticism that include the job. Siebel Newsom opens herself up personally, Matosantos stated.

Siebel Newsom may have declined to take the stand in opposition to Weinstein, for instance.

“She knowingly invited a bunch of crap on herself as a result of she thought it was necessary to step up and demand accountability, and she or he felt like she may do it,” Matosantos stated.

Siebel Newsom stated she participated within the trial to help different survivors.

“I felt I may hopefully be useful and shine a light-weight on, , what’s mistaken in our society when you’ve got serial perpetrators getting away with rape, sexual assault and harassment for many years,” she stated. “And so this was simply, I felt like, a technique I may contribute, as a result of I [had] stayed comparatively silent aside from with mates and friends.”

On the USC Girls’s Convention in early March, Siebel Newsom joined her sister-in-law, Hilary Newsom, who runs PlumpJack Group, the vineyard and hospitality firm that the governor based many years in the past. The 2 ladies huddled backstage at Bovard Auditorium earlier than a panel dialogue with California Surgeon Gen. Diana Ramos and Carolyn Meltzer, dean of USC’s Keck College of Drugs.

Siebel Newsom stretched and carried out voice workouts to heat up for the discuss.

Her 11-year-old son, Hunter, was dribbling a basketball at their home exterior Sacramento when she’d left early that morning, she instructed Hilary Newsom. She‘d despatched her oldest daughter, Montana, 13, an “I really like you” textual content from the highway and obtained one in reply. Her youngest two, Brooklynn, 9, and Dutch, 7, had been nonetheless asleep, and she or he‘d known as them that morning. Brooklynn was confused and requested the place she was.

On stage, Siebel Newsom talked in regards to the underfunding of ladies’s well being analysis and provided a line she would repeat at different occasions: that ladies make up greater than 50% of the inhabitants and deserve higher care and help for birthing 100% of the inhabitants. She recounted how she was rushed into an emergency C-section giving delivery to Montana and left the hospital with none bodily remedy suggestions, recommendation for the way to get well from main belly surgical procedure or a dialog about postpartum care.

Hilary Newsom cheered on her sister-in-law from the group.

“She’s empathetic, she’s caring and you’ll inform it’s genuine. And for me, that was such an exquisite change from any of my brother’s previous relationships,” she stated. “I attribute my improved relationship with my brother to Jen.”

Hours later, Siebel Newsom jumped right into a black SUV and headed to a home violence shelter in South Los Angeles.

The transitional housing complicated is one among a number of shelters operated by the nonprofit Jenesse Heart, which presents emergency and longer-term housing and help providers for girls and households experiencing home violence.

Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass joined her for a tour of a household condominium and the shelter’s on-site hair salon and wardrobe room; then they sat at two pushed-together steel tables for a dialogue with the middle’s leaders. Bass stated she and Siebel Newsom had met for the primary time just a few months earlier.

“We each made a dedication to carry up the phase of the inhabitants that’s invisible,” Bass stated. “Having the primary accomplice right here is big. I believe, one, it simply brings consideration to the dedication that the governor has made; but it surely’s additionally her dedication separate from him. She stands in her personal proper as any individual that has fought for the rights of ladies and youngsters.”

Siebel Newsom had introduced alongside Aileen Getty, the soft-spoken oil heiress and longtime household buddy of the Newsoms, and casually launched her by her first title. Getty, who has struggled with habit herself, is a philanthropist and supporter of causes together with decreasing homelessness and defending the surroundings.

Siebel Newsom appeared nervous as she learn from her personal notes in regards to the spirit of partnership and information about homeless ladies experiencing sexual assault and violence. Then she settled in as she nodded alongside and listened to 3 ladies speak about their traumatic experiences with home violence and the way Jenesse had helped them escape with their kids and rebuild their lives.

A former unique dancer stated she turned homeless and lived in her automobile after lastly gathering the braveness to go away her fiance, who managed the membership the place she labored and managed all elements of her life. One girl stated she, her husband and 7 kids regarded like a mannequin household to outsiders, who by no means noticed his drunken and violent rages at house. One other turned hooked on medication like her personal mom and was offered into intercourse trafficking.

Jenesse Heart Chief Govt Karen Earl stated that earlier than assembly Siebel Newsom, she didn’t know what to anticipate. She requested her workers whether or not she was good. After the go to, Earl stated Siebel Newsom’s empathy was palpable.

“She’s very, very heat and open,” Earl stated. “After which after the dialog, to grasp how substantive she is — she was actually asking good questions, which implies she listened to the ladies with lived expertise.”

Siebel Newsom hopes to make use of her platform as first accomplice to push new coverage modifications for survivors earlier than her husband leaves workplace.

“I need California to be that shining gentle on the hill,” she instructed The Instances. “A spot the place we’ve achieved fairness and girls have seats on the tables of energy, the place there’s no extra wage hole, much less violence in opposition to ladies, the place we’ve institutionalized in authorities and within the non-public sector family-friendly office insurance policies, recognizing that individuals have lives exterior of labor, and the place your kids are recognized to have one of the best begin in life.”

On the shelter, Siebel Newsom requested the ladies what extra authorities can do to assist.

It’s a query she plans to maintain exploring to raised perceive what survivors want to beat abuse, and to hunt justice for the trauma tucked away in their very own packing containers.